Last Halloween I went out. I don't normally go out, but my wife and her friend told me it would be fun. Generally, I like Halloween, but this one was a little weird, even by Halloween standards.
We went to a bar that has a place to smoke out on the balcony. (I know, I know...bad for you, blah blah blah) Anyway, I had a cigar with my wife, a friend of mine dressed as a "Veteran", and my wife's friend dressed as Tuesday Adams. We were all sitting around a table having a drink when the night got...I don't know, Halloween-ish.
From where we were placed, I could see a large glass window and a glass door that led back into the bar from the patio. While visiting with my friends, a man I'd never met before in a gray suit joined me at our table. We will call him "Mr. Gray Suit". Mr. Gray Suit sat next to me and complimented me on my suit (I was dressed up as Freud.) The thing was, I didn't mind the compliment, it is a nice suit, but then he just kept touching the suit and started to rub my shoulders and arms I got to thinking it wasn't a compliment it might be a pickup line. Both my wife and her friend just laughed, and I guess they didn't think that odd at all. After a few more drinks...not me drinking mind you, but after Mr. Gray Suit had a few more, he left to dance with Frankenstein.
Once I was free of being pet, I went to the bar for my wife. While I was away, Mr. Gray Suit asked my wife if I was "Going home with anyone.” My wife...for whatever reason...being a jerk maybe?...she said something like "I don't really know his story. You never know how a night will go."
(Later when I asked her why she said this she responded "That's true, I don't own you. You could've gone home with someone else. You never really know") HA!
Anyway, when I sit back down Mr. Gray Suit is back to sitting with me, and I figure it's fine. He is drunk so whatever. As we're sitting across the table from the glass door, I notice a woman come out on the balcony. The woman is dressed as nothing, aka No Fun Lady. Now No Fun Lady is holding her finger out like she is pointing at someone, but her finger isn't stationary. She is making a slow circular motion with her hand. At the same time, her hand is moving, her head is looking around the room moving in the opposite direction. I think this is very odd.
I look to my wife and our friends across from me, and I say to them "Do you see that woman?"
And after everyone asks "which women" I then proceed to copy her pointing action. I think I made a passing comment that I thought it was strange that her hands and eyes were not moving together, but in opposite directions. (I just want to add here that I wasn't making a judgment. I am a writer. I just notice the way people move sometimes. I don't care how No Fun Lady looks around a balcony I just thought it interesting.)
After I make the gesture with my hand to copy her pointing, from behind her a man (her boyfriend?) he gives me the finger. The guy giving me the finger is dressed up as the Riddler. I can't help it. I think this is funny. I suppose I think getting the finger is funny because of many years in the army where inappropriate gestures lose all meaning. Plus...it's The Riddler!
So The Riddler gives me the finger (I guess because I was mocking his girlfriend, but actually I was just pointing her actions out) and at that point I laugh and say "I love you too."
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have done that, but honestly, I really didn't care what he was doing. I was perfectly happy with my wife, a couple of friends, and well...I did have a nice looking guy with a gray suit on my arm who apparently loved me. My night was going alright.
Well, I guess The Riddler didn't like the love, so from the corner of my eye I see a drink come flying at me. The Riddler lobed his drink like a grenade over No Fun Lady and with very little aim. The plastic cup hits the table and gets my right sleeve and all of Tuesday Adam's dress.
I am on the cusp of getting up when Mr. Gray Suit shoots out of his chair. He stands up so fast that his chair fly's out from behind him. As he jumps up, The Riddler sees him and makes a mad dash away. I can see The Riddler run past the glass window and Mr. Gray Suit is in hot pursuit. After only a few seconds, I see The Riddler run past the window again, Mr. Gray Suit is right behind him.
A few minutes later Mr. Gray Suit comes back out onto the balcony. I had been helping Tuesday Adams get dried off and trying to dry out my sleeve. When Mr. Gray Suit returns, he announces that he chased The Riddler out of the bar and then talked to the bouncer.
So I learned two things that night. One: If you go out on Halloween you should expect it to be weird. Two: I guess gay men are chivalrous.
I think I'll go out again this year.
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All dates are subject to change.